// midnight thoughts

I do my best thinking at night

I also do my over thinking at night, but it doesn't always become bad thoughts, I just think too much and can never fully rest my head to sleep.

Tonight I got to thinking about how much of a turn every aspect of my life has taken over the past three months, there has been bad turns and good turns, very very good turns, confusing turns and turns that are still turning! I'm not sure I can describe it in a way that won't just be a jumble of floundering words and a really inaccurately structured thought process but I have kind of felt like I've been floating around with the intention of trying out life as I've never experienced it before. I keep conjuring up mental lists of things I want to do, things I want to experience and have recently found myself feeling the need to do them now. For example, I have decided that I really want to go skinny dipping and fly in a hot air balloon.. this isn't something I would every consider because I'm scared of being in water of which I can't see the bottom, and terrified of heights!

I'm baffling myself with the concept of growing up, having to prepare myself for maturity and the responsibilities that comes with that. I then later questioned myself on this and it occurred to me that technically no human is ever grown up. We are all still growing older until the day that we die. Society is what categorises the age group of young and old.. at least I think so anyway.

I sometimes think I will always stay the way i am - mature in reality and reasoning but I will forever have an escape of a childlike fantasy in my mind, where every day has a rainbow in the sky and everything sparkles like moonglitter. (ooh look at my magical grammar!)

My point? I'm going a little crazy trying to understand how I can have come from a really draining and emotionally constricting state of mind into a sense of absolute freedom and happiness in the space of under three months, but I know that I defiantly owe it to my God, because I'm pretty sure my flimsy body couldn't handle that change without him.

I feel so blessed :)